Caveman Dave’s not cool



yeah Dinosaurs are cool ( or were ) but unfortunately Caveman Dave is not. I first ran into him outside a Phish show in Philly selling PBR’s ( I should have known… ) Being a fellow travelling troubadour, I had put him up for a week when he was passing through South Florida on the way to the keys. ( actually I hooked him up with another place to stay too and even tried to help him get a few gigs… ) I had told him I was going to the Rainbow Gathering in Vermont that summer and that he should check it out so I wasn’t surprised to see him there. I was happy to see him. I knew it was his first gathering so I looked the other way when he had to bring in alcohol and then hung out at A Camp when his supply ran out. I was dismayed when he shit in the woods and wouldn’t use the shitter like everyone else. Like a lot of guys that go to gatherings for the first time, his main reason for being there seemed to be to see topless hippie chicks.

Hippy Chick

After the Rainbow I was headed up to Maine to record with a buddy of mine in his home studio. I wasn’t sure how I was getting there and needed a ride. I thought Dave might be interested in going too so I invited him. We drove all day but it was way further than my buddy told me it was. We drove late into the night and were still far, far away. I kept telling him we should stop and get a hotel and drive the rest of the way in the morning. I would pay for it! ( I was already paying for all the gas. ) But as I was soon to find out, he had to do everything his way.


So the directions I was given were to drive ’til 95 ends and then take US 1 north. It was about 2 o’clock in the morning when I saw the sign that said end of 95. I woke him up and then the next sign we saw was Welcome to Canada. There was no exit and now there was no where to turn around. I pulled over on the side of the road and walked up to the booth and told them what had happened. They laughed and were like ” it happens all the time, we’ll let you drive through and turn around. ” Which we did. Now we were driving up to the U.S. Border having driven maybe 100 feet into Canada. We told the U.S. Customs Officer, we had just turned around and there’s no doubt they saw we did but still they made us pull up and get out of the car. I thought for a minute that I should put the miniscule amount of weed I had down my pants but it wasn’t anywhere I could get to easily and thought they would just check our i.d.’s and we’d be on our way, but no.


They made us wait, while they ran our i.d.’s and one of the officers took quick look at the car. My heart sank when the officer came back with an arm load of knives that Dave had strewn about the car in plain sight. ” You both told me you didn’t have any weapons, ” he said. Oh shit here we go. To make a long story short, they kept us there for hours they went through the whole car which was full of all kinds of trash and stuff. They found a little bit of weed in my bag ( .03 grams ) which I admitted was mine and they found a little bit of weed Dave had. We weren’t sure what was going to happen next but we remained calm. They told us if we each paid a $500 fine, we could be on our way. I tried to pay with a credit card but they told me it was denied. Turns out my bank had just put a hold on it earlier that night, because of supposed ” suspicious activity.” Dave’s lucky I had a backup card or we’d both would have went to jail that night. You’d think he’d be thankful but after making it clear he had to intention of ever paying me back ( and being obnoxious and outstaying his welcome on my friend’s couch for a week ) he got up one morning and left me stranded in Bumfuck, Maine. Even worse he took all the recordings we had made. So the trip was pretty much a total loss and it cost me another small fortune to finally get back home.


I had told him he had to pay his own fine and that I was going to stop payment. I did give him the opportunity to at least make some kind of effort to pay me back but still he went on FB and started trashing me which is one thing but he called the police on me telling them a bullshit story to try and scare me! Now he says he ” wants peace.” I’m sick of people my mistaking kindness for weakness. Just because I’m a Rainbow Brother who actually does love everyone, it doesn’t mean I’m a doormat. And tell Dave I don’t appreciate him coming into the Gathering and acting like tourist. He lived like king for a week with free food and weed. He could have contributed in some way, work at kitchen or dig a shitter, something. I could understand if I was dealing with an adolescent or something but he’s 39! I’m done with the dude. If you let him sleep on your couch beware. So the motto of the story is Don’t be a Drainbow like Caveman Dave.









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