Monthly Archives: January 2013

Born Funny



People read my blog and usually say something stupid like ” you should be a comedian…” duh, I am a comedian, I write a comedy blog for fun what do I got to be on t.v.? What I think you really mean is a professional one because this shit is really funny and somebody should pay me to do it. So thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment.


What can I say I was born funny. No not literally like I came out of the womb ass first with clown makeup on. I mean I’ve always looked at life as being absurd and being funny is something that came easy to me. Not only did it get me lots of attention at school but it also got me out of some hairy situations, too. ( By the way, I mean that as in Funny ha ha with a capital F, and if Joe Pesci asks, funny how? funny like a clown, I’ll say why yes, exactly!) I remember I got my first big laugh when I was in the second grade. Butch was the class bully and somehow he had made it to second grade without actually learning to read and write. He bullied me throughout that school year to help him here and there. I don’t know how he got by. Then one day we were putting on something like a tv game show where we had to go up in of the class and when they asked us questions, we wrote our answers on the back of these poster boards. When it was your turn, you would turn it over and show your answer. He had asked me to write the answers down for him. I forgot what I wrote, something innocuous like “KICK ME,” but whatever it was when he turned that board over the whole class erupted in laughter. Of course I had to run home from school everyday for the rest of the semester but it was well worth it. I later graduated to doing things like the morning announcements on acid in high school funny and you can too…all I really wanted to say to you is be funny with a capital F. The world needs funny motherf…



Hey Bulldog



I just played South Broward High School’s 100th Anniversary to rapturous applause. ( Go Bulldog’s ) It’s here in Hollywood. ( the one in Florida ) I didn’t go there. I went to high school in Maryland but I’ve lived in the area a longtime. I was invited to play by one of the organizers, Susan Ostheim. She’s an art teacher there and was one of my yoga students at Secret Woods. As I was setting up, this kid with dreads comes up to me and says ” hey Space Hippie, do you remember me? ” I didn’t but I had taught him guitar lessons when he was a kid. There was a couple of them I did recognize, though.Then another guy see me as asks, ” didn’t I do to film school with you at the University of Miami?” Turns out we worked on a couple of films together in college. That’s back when I first got the Space Hippie nickname. I couldn’t live it down so I made it into a career. So I had a great day. Everybody was very nice to me. Looks like I’ve become somewhat of a local celebrity. It feels good to be a part of the community. It’s reminds me of a quote from Jerry Garcia. Jerry was talking a reporter about the Grateful Dead and said, “We’re like bad architecture and old whores, eventually you get respectable if you’re around long enough.”

Jerry Garcia 69346-7


R.U. Sirius?



So I go and meet this guy and he hands me his card bearing the likeness of his latest novel. “That’s the cover of my book” he says. “Gone to the Stars” hmm…the blurb read “Henrik Barkley de Pearson spent his childhood in the Sun King’s Palace of Versailles in France and in the home and gardens of impressionist artist Claude Monet in Giverny. He now lives in Florida with his family and many pets. When the author is not writing children stories or basking under light beams that come down from heaven, he tends bees and goes diving…” cool, maybe he’ll wanna take a guitar lessons. hey man I got a card, too…here ya’…


He goes “Wow, cool Space Hippie, huh? I come from space too. I lived for billions of years inside a star which is the mother of my soul called Alma Mater Alpha One-O-One…” ” I’m thinking, um, ok…so I know my constellations, where is that?” It is 8.2 light years away, not very ha, ha, ha…The Egyptians aligned the Great Pyramids to my Alma.


“It is the very same one that the Dogon tribe of Africa referred to. According to their traditions, the star Sirius has a companion star which is invisible to the human eye. Scientist now know it is the third star in the Sirius constellation, part of the interstellar system that was proven to exist by the Hubbell telescope in the 1990’s.”





“Sirius B. That is where I am from.”

“Are you serious? “

“no, I am Sirian”



I’m thinking great they’ve been running K Pax on cable lately. That’s the movie where ( pre-scandal ) Kevin Spacey tries to convince the doctors that he’s not crazy. He really is a visitor from another planet. So I’m thinking, well maybe he is. Sirius and the Dogon Tribe, Jack (Horkheimer) always talked about something like that when I worked for him at the Miami Space Planetarium and I do remember reading about the Hubbell thing. Then he went on to tell me his apartment is a vortex of exterrestrial activity and that he was the one prophesied by Edgar Cayce, the sleeping prophet, who gave psychic readings to thousands of seekers while in an unconscious state, diagnosing illnesses and revealing lives lived in the past and prophecies yet to come and that he was a mad scientist working on a project that would harness limitless free energy and revolutionize the world as we know it.


Ok, so let’s start the lesson, this is going to be interesting…

Starbucks of the Rich and Famous


Bal-Harbour-Condos-and-homes-for-sale2I’m teaching guitar lessons to these kids in Bal Harbor that live in a beautiful gated community full of these huge mansions that runs along side Biscayne Bay. Pretty ritzy neighborhood. They valet park your cars at the local Publix. I was too broke to pay attention and I had some time to kill so I ended up where else? At the Starbucks across the street from the Trump Towers. Hey buddy could you spare $5 for an iced moca cappucino? Make that $10. The place was packed full of very tan people in fake animal print clothing talking very loud on their cellphones.


While I was there, I figured I’d put up one of my lessons flyers and try and get another lesson or two in the area. I mean they have a bulletin board in every Starbucks, right? And a million people walk by all day long and maybe one of them wants to take guitar lessons and will see it and call me. Except they don’t see it because the Neo Nazi wanna be’s that work at Starbucks take my flyers down as soon as they see them. If I was a church or a non profit organization it would be fine they say. I tell them it’s part of my outreach program for Space Hippie Worldwide Ministries and I am raising funds for the Ministry but that just falls on deaf ears.

Guitar Flyer

Of course putting up Guitar Lessons flyer is strickly verboten ( and I’ve had angry managers call me up minutes after Nazis f**** really? ) but that of course wasn’t going to stop me. I put up a flyer anyway. All I need it to be up long enough for at least one person to tear off my number and call for lessons. I wasn’t really expecting to hear back from anyone but then I got a call from this guy that lives on the 21st floor of one of the beachfront condominiums across the street. He want’s to start playing guitar again. He has one but it needs a little work. So I scheduled a lesson for later in the week. Great, I could use the bread. f.y.i. this is what the backside of the Starbucks logo looks like.



Space Oddysey 2013






Happy New Year, 2013 baby. Beginning of the New Aeon. People all over the world are celebrating. The Mayan calendar may have ended but the Gregorian lives on. This year I’m doing it up Julian style. That’s why if I’m like a week late, no biggie. The Julian calendar not only  introduced the concept of a leap year occurring every four years but also an error of one day every 128 years, which meant that every 128 years the tropical year shifts one day backwards with respect to the calendar. Which means if I don’t show up hey it’s the Julian, man. Those Rusian Orthodox know what they’re doing. I don’t know why I haven’t been following it all along. Yeah sure this made the method for calculating the dates for Easter inaccurate and that’s why the Julian calendar was replaced with the Gregorian calendar in 1582 in nearly all countries. But that’s just the chances I’ll have to take.


( these guys look like friends of Crazy Bill… )

F.Y.I. The Julian Period for astronomers

The Julian period or the Julian Day system provides astronomers with a single system of dates that could be used when working with different calendars to align different historical chronologies. It assigns a Julian Day (JD) to every year without having to worry about B.C.E or C.E. It was invented by French Scholar Joseph Justus Scaliger in 1583, who proposed that the Julian Period starts at noon on January 1, 4713 B.C.E. (Julian calendar) and lasts for 7980 years. This was determined because it is a time period long enough to include all of recorded history and includes some time in the future that would incorporate the three important calendrical cycles, the Golden Number Cycle, the Solar Cycle, and the Roman Indiction.

The Golden Number Cycle is a cycle of 19 years, while the Solar Cycle is a cycle of 28 years and the Roman Indiction repeats every 15 years. Thus the Julian Period is calculated to be 7980 years long or 2,914,695 days because 19*28*15 = 7980.Confusing? Yeah it’s all Greek Orthodox to me man.

Oh well then there is Chinese New Years. When the Year of the Dragon gives way to the Year of the Snake. I read it on my placemat at the Chinese restaurant. The Chinese New Years by the way is celebrated on Saturday February 10th, or maybe 11th or the 13th, the replacement holiday on Tuesday for all states except Kelantan and Terengganu.


Chinese New Year 2013

Date Day Holiday State
10 February Sunday Chinese New Year National
11 February Monday Chinese New Year 2nd Day National
12 February Tuesday Chinese New Year Replacement Day All states except Kelantan and Terengganu

 Chinese New Year 2013 will be celebrated on a Sunday and Monday, with a replacement holiday on Tuesday for all states except Kelantan and Terengganu.



this can’t be the right  cookie…


I’ll try another one…