Is Santa Claus Jewish?

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santa_jewishI’m sure you’re thinking this must be some kind of joke but it’s not I assure you. New evidence suggests that Santa Claus is indeed Jewish…no, not jolly Ol’ St. Nick? No, while St. Nicholas, known as Sinterklaas in the Netherlands was a guy that dressed in a red suit, ran around with schvartzes and gave presents to all the good boys and girls, that was back in the late 1800’s, not the modern day Santa Claus. It is now believed by many Santa scholars that the real Santa was familar with that legend though and patterned himself after St. Nicholas. It was recently discovered that a Jewish family named the Clausensteins relocated from the Netherlands to the North Pole in the early part of the 20th century in search of a better life. Instead what they found was a cold, frozen wasteland. They shortened there name to Claus to attract less attention to themselves as they were the only Jewish family among the Eskimo yak herders that lived there. Apparently the family business had been toy makers and there really wasn’t much of a market for that sort of thing. Even so they passed on their toy making skills to their kids and one of them when he grew up decided to follow in the footsteps of what was his favorite childhood hero, Sinterklaas himself. Don’t believe me? Well what goyim would be running around delivering toys on Christmas Eve? And who better to do it on the birthday of Jesus than a Jew? So take it from me, Santa is a nice Jewish boy. Alot of people leave cookies and milk for Santa but believe me he would rather have a nice hot bowl of Matzo Ball Soup. And if you could would a bottle of Manischewitz be too much much to ask? Oy vey, your bratty kids write and complain that they didn’t get the stupid toy they wanted last year, it’s not my problem! I had to transfer alot of my operations overseas when the elves unionized but you don’t hear me complaining do you? And the commercialization just gets worse every year! Mashugana, I’ve had it up to here with these schmucks…jewish_santa_postcard-p239681051007874201trdg_400

Tune in next week when we ask the question ” Did the Jews really start the practices today known as the Martial Arts?”

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