90 Days Clean and Sober

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Today marks 90 days without a drink. That’s right I quit drinking. I quit smoking and drinking and cussing…oh shit I forgot my pack of cigarettes at the bar. No but seriously I haven’t had a drink for three months. If I was in the program I’d be picking up my white chip or whatever they call it but I’m not a member of AA or Triple A or AARP, even though I’m probably eligible for all three. I was playing in bars, drinking like a fish, living the life of pirate. I never smoked but then I started smoking the occasional cigarette. Then whenever I had a drink I would want to smoke a cigarette. And then I was drinking all the time, so I started smoking all the time, you know how that goes. That shit’ll catch up with you. So I quit to counter the detrimental effects of drinking and smoking which range from pickling your liver and charring your lungs to breaking out in handcuffs.

So how do I feel? I’ll be honest with you, I feel like shit! Rundown, beat up, cranky, and old. I put on a bunch of weight. It’s terrible. My advice is don’t do it. And I haven’t got laid since. Maybe it’s because I stopped hanging out in bars or maybe it’s because I started becoming more discerning without the beer goggles. Who knows? You know the old joke, ” I never went to bed with a ugly woman when I was drinking, but I woke up with a few! ” Yeah so I grew a mustache and put on some pounds and this chick at my gig asked me, ” Did anyone ever tell you, you look like Ron Jeremy? ” So I said, ” only from the waist down… ”

So other than that, I guess things are getting better. I’m at least handling it better. I’m past the wanting to kill everyone stage and now in the only wanting to kill some people stage. We’ll see if it lasts. The best thing is I quit smoking cigarettes. They really suck. And I could have never quit smoking without quitting drinking. And I saved a bunch of money…on my insurance! thanks Geico ( see at least my existential angst is intact )

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