Monthly Archives: September 2012

the Art of Theft

Standard

ah yes the Art of Theft, for Theft is an Art and the Theft of Art is something that requires careful planning. You don’t have to just steal it, you have to get away with it as well. The Scream by Norwegian painter, Edvard Munch has been stolen several times but always recovered. This past June two bungling art thieves in Sweden broke into a mansion and stole several famous paintings from a private collection worth a lot of money only to find that the paintings didn’t fit in the mid size car they were driving!

The two thieves were left in a tight spot when they couldn't fit their stolen goods into their tiny Ford getaway car

The two thieves were left in a tight spot when they couldn’t fit their stolen goods into their tiny Ford getaway car.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2160137/Bungling-art-thieves-caught-stolen-paintings-wouldnt-fit-inside-tiny-Ford-getaway-car.html#ixzz27inlJerG

Then there’s the guy that broke into the Lourve in France and stole several works of art valued at several million dollars only to have his getaway cut short when the van he was driving  ran out of gas half a mile down the road. When asked how he could mastermind such a complex crime and then overlook such an obvious thing like filling up the tank beforehand…

he had De Gaulle to say….

…I had no Monet

…to buy Degas

…to make the Van Gogh!

so I had nothing Toulouse..!

New Improved Monkey Dong!

Standard

The first product of this kind on the market was the Whizzinator which only came is one color, caucasian. I read this hilarious account of a pro football player who was black, getting caught trying to beat his drug test using one…when they noticed his dick was white! ha ha ha ha So now Monkey Dong comes in all shades. I am not making this up! this is really their line of products…

Yes you heard correct, Monkey Dong is New and Improved! No not Donkey Kong. Monkey Dong! Monkey Dong is the highest quality strap on urinating device on the market and now it comes it six life like, natural colors that match any skin tone.

                                                                                                                                                          Mighty Whitey

                                                                                                                                                               Plain Whitey

                                                                                                                                                                  Mexi -Tan

                                                                                                                                                                 Latino Lover

                                                                                                                                                                  Big Brown

                                                                                                                & Say It Loud, I’m Black and I’m Proud

( Monkey Dong is a real product and it works! If you have to take a piss test it can be a real lifesaver. We here at Space Hippie Worldwide Ministries are in no way affilliated with the makers of Monkey Dong nor or we advocating the use of illegal substances. We are only providing this information as a public service. )

Mitt’s Magic Underpants

Standard

Forget that he dismisses half the U.S. population, the “47% that doesn’t pay income taxes” which he characterizes as “people who believe they are victims, entitled to health care, food, housing, you name it.” Forget that this and many statements he’s made don’t hold up to the facts. ( For one a large % of Americans who don’t pay taxes are elderly retirees. ) A member of the Romney campaign made it clear that “We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers.” Forget his arrogance, his ignorance, his total lack of charisma. I want you to ask yourself this. Do I want to elect a man to the presidency, the highest office in the land…who wears magic underpants?

You see devout Mormons, which Romney certainly is one, wear what they call “Temple Garments” magic underpants that protect them from evil.  Read all about it on Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_garment

Happy New Year! sho far, so good…

Standard

Happy New Year, according to the Hebrew calendar as of sundown, it’s the year 5773…sho far so good. Get it sho-far, so good? ouch… A shofar is the horn, traditionally made from a rams horn, that they blow during the religious services for the New Year. This has been a long standing Jewish tradition for the last…well I guess for the last 5,773 years and no one’s ever made any fuss about it, that is until now. PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has come out condemning the practice and it has caused an uproar amongst the Jewish community. ” What do they want us to do blow through one of those noise makers with the little curly cues and wear those silly hats like the goys do? Oy vey! ” said Rabbi Lipman from Chabad Lubavitch of Greater Boynton. ” I know all about these people at PETA, they are the same people who don’t want you smearing lamb’s blood on your doorways. Fanatics! They don’t even eat meat! ”

A spokesperson from PETA could not be reached as of press time and the furor has since died down. None of the local or national media has covered the story, and only one lone protestor stood in the rain outside the shul.

p.s. We here at Space Hippie Worldwide Ministries would like to add if anyone is offended by this obvious parody ( Jews are pretty good about this sort of thing, all the great comedians were Jewish…Jack Benny, Henny Youngman, Seinfeld…Don Rickles for chrissake, um no offense, the list goes on and on… ) if anyone takes offense ( I mean not like the Muslims who would take offense and even the slightest of joke and say burn down your embassy and kill your ambassador that sort of thing… ) if anyone whatsoever is offended by this…ask yourself, WWJD? That’s right what would Jesus ( who was a Jew ) …what would Jesus do?

Ben and Jerry Make a Porno

Standard

Sorry to scare you like that…no Ben & Jerry didn’t make a porno ( but there has been rumors that they’re gay lovers for years… ) They did however recently sue a company named Ben and Cherry’s that made X rated movies with titles that parodied their products, for example ” New York Fat & Chunky, ” ” Peanut Butter D-Cup, ” and my favorite ” Boston Cream Thigh. ” They claimed in the trademark lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, that the porn company Ben and Cherry’s,  was tarnishing their ” family friendly ” reputation and use of their ” well known and iconic ” flavors in the titles and themes would cause ” confusion, mistake or deception. ” I could see that happening. Some guy wants a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and mistakenly ends up with a 20 hour 4 disc set of porn…at least that’s what he tells his wife!

Now I have a little problem with Ben and Jerry’s claim. I mean did Chef from South Park sue them for coming out with a flavor of chocolate ice cream named ” Sweddy Balls “? Of course not, Chef is a cartoon character numb nuts. But I know for a fact that they didn’t ask Jerry Garcia for permission to use his name before they came out with their “Cherry Garcia” flavor and he’s a real person. I also read that they tried to buy him off with a bunch of free samples but ultimately coughed up some dough. At least while he was alive anyway. His widow had to sue them in 2001 for licensing fees owed. They settled out of court. Plus Ben and Jerry’s claim to be a company with a social conscience that values people over profits but some say that’s just not true. For example they came out with a flavor supposedly to show their support for gay marriage ( no it wasn’t Sweddy Balls ) but none of the profits went to anybody but them. They’ve also been criticised by the Humane Society for the treatment of the chickens and cows they use to make their products. To their credit Ben & Jerry’s now uses hormone-free milk and cage free eggs, and is committed to using only fair trade products by 2013, according to a spokesman. But they were forced to drop the use of the phrase ” All Natural ” after actvists challenged it’s accuracy. Not to mention the ‘Unsafe’ levels of dioxin found in their ice cream; more dioxin in Ben & Jerry’s than gasoline refinery effluent, researchers report: http://scienceblog.com/community/older/2000/C/200002263.html 

Also keep in mind that the lovable hippie dudes Ben and Jerry that started the company sold it to the corporate behemoth Unilever for an obscene amount 10 years ago. So now all that noise about it being ” green ” or ” socially conscious ” is just a lot of hot air. So tell me who’s really getting screwed?

here’s some Ben and Jerry’s flavors we’d like to see:

p.s. our lawyers have advised us against POSTING THIS BLOG!!!