Monthly Archives: April 2012

Sex Tape Scandal

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So I’ve got myself into a little situation here that could be potentially embarrassing. This former roommate of mine who was a real computer geek is threatening to post a sex tape of me online if I don’t pay him off. I’m being sexhorted you might say. So what’s the problem? Everyone who’s ever had a sex tape leaked became even more famous and it only benefited, not hurt  their careers. Look at Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee or Paris Hilton or Dustin Diamond ( Screech from Saved By The Bell )…ok forget that last example. Well this is a little different. This sex tape involved, how should I put this…um it was of a solo performance. Yeah, like I said it’s a potentially embarrassing situation.

Ok, of course I am making all this shit up but I am trying to make this a comedy blog. I’m bored shitless and I’m trying to make people laugh, laugh so hard they shit themselves. I wanna write some good shit and make people laugh so hard they forget all the bullshit they have to put up with every day. ( For all you foreign readers in English shit is a very flexible word. It can be a noun, a verb, an adverb…tres~ magnifique! ) Ok, so maybe Obama really is a foreign born, dyed in the wool communist hell bent on destroying the American way of life. Perhaps FEMA is stocking up on body bags for every man, woman, and child that they can’t fit into all the internment camps they’re building. And of course the Planet Nibiru is about to wreak havoc when it enters our solar system on it’s 3,600 year elliptical orbit. I could care less. I just want smoke some fat nugs, bust a nut now and again and make some people laugh. Is that too much to ask?

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Wanna Wanee?

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Every year I go to Wanee Fest, a hippie music festival in Northern Florida and every year I ask my friends if they want to go with me. It’s a mini Woodstock not anywhere near big as say Bonnaroo, a bunch of hippies living in tents in the woods, tripping and dancing ’til the wee hours every night. What can I say they don’t know what they’re missing! I always see lots of people I know there and make friends where ever I go. Wanee is hosted by the Allman Brothers Band and is kind of like their own personal family reunion for them and their friends. This year it was them and Furthur, Bob Weir and Phil Lesh from the Grateful Dead’s band, and Hot Tuna which were the guys from Jefferson Airplane. These guys having been playing music together since the 60’s and are all now in their 60’s and even though people are still getting crazy and dropping acid and whatnot it’s still a very wholesome family friendly event. The original Woodstock generation are now grandparents and it’s not unusual to see them there with their kids and their kid’s kids. It was good to get there nice and early and set up my tent. Within minutes of walking through the parking lot to the show someone laid a ten strip on me and a bunch of beautiful barefoot young girls with hula hoops saw me and yelled out ” hey Space Hippie, where’s your guitar? ” (  It’s good to be me. ) These are my people and it felt like a family reunion for sure. Not only did all my favorite bands play but it was 4 – 20 weekend to boot! Sure a little rain, a little mud, but that is to be expected. Ok so I’ve got a joke for you…how many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hippies don’t screw in lightbulbs, man, they screw in sleeping bags! ha ha…so you wanna go next year?

( ;

write on maaan,

Space Hippie

( Jack ) Kerouacked

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My apologies to Allen Ginsberg who’s epic poem ” Howl I am paraphrasing. ” I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, intellectually starving, hysterical & naked, reduced to posting disjointed sentence fragments and inane non sequiturs on Facebook ” lol…

 

 

Most young people today don’t even know who Allen Ginsberg was and if they do, ” he’s was that fag that was friends with Bob Dylan. ” But  it is because of Allen Ginsberg, William Burroughs and Jack Kerouac and the beat poets that today we American’s are free to day to express ourselves freely as protected under the First Amendment. The times they lived under were very different but as they say ( at least in France and certain parts of Canada )  ” plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose”,  the more things change the more they stay the same. The pendulum swings both ways and America seems to be swinging to the right again. ” Conservative values ” and ” core beliefs ” are codes words for let’s return to the 1950’s. Back then of course everything was in black and white. Technicolor wasn’t til the 1960’s and after seeing it’s effects, CoIntel Pro nipped it in the bud. So I can understand the countries nostalgia for wanting to return to the days of ” Leave It To Beaver “ and ” Mayberry R.F.D. “ but this small town mindset is too confining. I think you’d better take Jack Kerouac’s advice and get ” On the Road “, which of course is the title of his best known work. It turns out that large parts of it were taken directly from letters sent to him by Neal Cassady ( according to the new book ” Neal Cassady, the Fast Life of a Beat Hero “Cassady lived it but it took someone else to write it down. He had no patience for that, too square. Life is to be lived. So live a little why don’t you? Anyway I guess all I’m saying is think for yourself…it’s not to late.

“The best teacher is experience and not through someone’s distorted point of view”  ―    Jack Kerouac,  On the Road

 

A BUNCH OF PUSSIES

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No one understood one iota of what I was talking about in my last post, PASSED OUT PHOTOS:

https://spacehippieworldwideministries.wordpress.com/2012/04/16/passed-out-photos/ 

While yes I am a connisseur and a true believer that is chronicling the changes of this modern folk art movement, I am not necessarily hailing the innovators. Ok sure there’s still guys out there taking pictures of their friends when they pass out and posting them on the internet, but it’s not like the old days. The whole game has changed.

As I said there are ” new schools “  today that sure might pile a bunch of pillows from the love seat on ya’ ( oh how cute ) or get some ketchup or mustard on ya’, but that’s the extent of it. If you pass out they are more than likely to do something ” harmlessy artistic “ to you like outline you in your empties or make a nice floral arrangement than write ” Will Suck Dick For Crack “ on your forehead with a sharpie and that right there is exactly why the younger generation are a BUNCH OF PUSSIES!!!

You heard me right.

Back in my day if your friends posted pictures of yer ass crack decorated like a French pastry on the web, you took it like a man. Not like theses spineless wonders today that are far too much the” se nsitive artist ” types…PUSSIES!!!

That being the case all of you PUSSIES stop reading now.

Todays collection of passed out photos harken back to the good old days when men were men and women and farm animals were uneasy when they were drinking. Rest assured the old traditions are still alive, it’s just that they are underground. ( I hear they are still particularly still strong in the Armed Forces and at Republican National Conventions. )So don’t you fret. As long as there are guys, red blooded American guys  ( heterosexual believe it or not!? ) getting drunk and passing out, their friends will be smearing lipstick on them and posting pictures of them teabagging them on the internet. It almost makes you proud to be an American ( sniff ) I’m welling up…

that was bad enough but this is just wrong…

have faith good old American Ingenuity will prevail….

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Passed Out Photos

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you know the story, you and a bunch of your friends are having a party getting drunk and you drink too much and pass out and your friends draw pictures of cocks in permanent marker on your face, stick things up your nose, and cover you in shaving cream or worse much worse ( What can I tell you? Americans are weird.  ) As they say it’s all fun and games til yer picture ends up on the internet. And nowadays they do with increasing regularity. Now there’s whole websites devoted to them. ( one of my favorite is Passed Out Photos: http://passedoutphotos.com/ ) Sure anybody can put makeup on some dude then take a picture while they’re resting their nutsack on his forehead but let me tell you there are people out there taking this art to a whole other level. There are many schools today, yes some cruel and humiliating, some harmlessly fun, all relentlessly creative. Take a look as I guide you through the today’s gallery of Passed Out Photos ( courtesy of http://passedoutphotos.com/ ) the PLACE for your passed out photo enjoyment. ( thanks guys )

There’s the new school of the harmlessly artistic:

the Avante Garde…

Creative use of Fruits and Vegetables…

I thought it just was a stupid white people thing but apparently black people do it too…

as well as certain segments of the Asian community…

There’s the ” too cool for school ” intellectuals….

and those who stack furniture upon their victims…

as well as other items…

…so next time you pass out be it in on the beach or in your own living room, if you have any friends with cameras in the vicinity BEWARE!!! Your photo may just might end up on the internet.

strumming on your singhi sarangi…

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A singhi sarangi in a bowed string instrument, with it’s roots in antiquity. It’s originated from the Rajasthani region  of India. The sindi sarangi three main strings are made of goat intestine and 23 sympathetic strings are made of steel. While it’s played an important role in India’s Hindustani classical music tradition, sarangi players are going the way of the dodobirdie. Makers of the singhi sarangi are even more of an endangered species.

The sound of the sarangi is otherworldly. Sarangi is a the combination of two Hindu words, sau ( hundred ) and rang ( colors ) meaning the instrument of a 100 colors. The sarangi players were court musicians for the Rhajputs, the Hindu ruling warrior class that remained in power til India’s independence in 1947. Nowadays it’s alot harder for a sarangi player to get a gig. There are people out there trying to preserve the tradition like Amarass Records. (  http://www.amarrass.com/ )                                                                                                                                                                               N.P.R. did a story on them, check it out: http://www.npr.org/blogs/therecord/2012/04/14/145522789/indian-record-label-hits-the-road-to-save-traditional-music?ps=cprs  

Of course there’s still sarangi players out there keeping the tradition alive.This is Kashif Ahmed, a Sarangi player from  Delhi ( his mobile number is 00919910216964 and 00919811685747, book him for your next party )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQEdWYrdro8&feature=related

and here’s famed sarangist Lakha Khan :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDutQ7srk-s&feature=youtu.be

ENJOY!

( ;

write on,

Space Hippie

p.s. if you want to try a musical experiment open these links  ( they’re all the same link of Lakha Khan playing a sarangi ) one at a time, waiting what ever interval you choose. It could be minutes, seconds, microseconds. Just keep opening the links til they’re all playing at once…you’ll see GOD!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDutQ7srk-s&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDutQ7srk-s&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDutQ7srk-s&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDutQ7srk-s&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDutQ7srk-s&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDutQ7srk-s&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDutQ7srk-s&feature=youtu.be

 

 

 

The H Chord

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I teach guitar lessons. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, but I teach guitar lessons to little brats. One brainiac, wanted to know why the scale didn’t go up to H. ” The scale goes A, B, C, D, E, F, G, how come it doesn’t go to up to H?” ” It just doesn’t… “” But why? “He kept persisting so I finally broke down and told him the truth… ” It used to kid, believe me it used to. ” ” What do you mean it used to? How come it dosen’t anymore? ” ” Look kid, if I tell ya’ I’ll have to kill you… ” ” Tell me, tell me… ”   ” Ok kid but this’ll have to be our little secret… ” ” You see there used to be an H note. The H chord was the most beautiful chord known to man but sadly it hasn’t been heard since the mid 20th century. That’s when they removed all the H notes from all the instruments. Take a look at any piano you can see where it’s missing.

The H note was banned shortly before World Wart II. Then made illegal during the Cold War. That was due to it’s use as a secret weapon by the U.S. Government. The destructive properties of sound have long been known all the way back to Biblical times when the trumpets crumbled the walls of Jericho. Goverment scientists perfected the use of the H chord as a weapon and that led to the development of the H bomb. The H note became classified top secret and it’s use restricted by the civilian population. The H chord dissapeared from music completely. While all piano’s had their H notes removed, some models with their H key intact do still exist. They are very rare and fetch enormous sums on the black market. U.S. Intelligence has confirmed that certain rouge nation states have tried to obtain them for their weapons programs. To this day the general public is largely unaware that the H note ever existed and thanks to vast U.S. Goverment disinformation campaign it’s existence is rountinely dismissed as nothing more than rumors… ” ” Wow! cool… ” I made him swore to top secrecy as me and him were the only one’s who knew the truth. ” No one would ever believe us anyway so mum’s the word kid. ” ” Now how about playing a G chord? ”

http://youtu.be/PWSx0bBiNIs