Monthly Archives: December 2011

I AM SANTA CLAUS!!!

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I Am Ozzy: Soon-To-Be Classic Quotes from Ozzy Osbourne:

I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never piss on a piece of stone at the fucking Alamo at   nine o’clock in the morning dressed in a woman’s evening dress sober. I mean I know I’m a fucking crazy-ass but still.

  • MTV News Online, 1992

I have no regrets except that I wasn’t up to keep Randy (Rhoads) from getting on that plane.

  • Guitar World Issue 37, 2000

I’ve had every known chemical–cocaine, booze–and tobacco is the hardest one in the world for me to quit. You watch old flicks? It’s suggestion by looking at something: You see a cigarette, and it makes you want to smoke!

The biggest thing has been realizing how much people really do love the early Sabbath music. People have said it in the past but I’ve never really believed them before. I remember years ago when Metallica opened up for me, I went backstage and they were playing old Black Sabbath albums and I thought they were taking the piss! They said, ‘No, we really love Sabbath.’ I couldn’t see that at the time–because towards the end of my time with Sabbath 20 years ago I thought what we were doing was boring and stupid, because we were boring and stupid, totally sick of what we were doing and totally out of our brains with drink or drugs when we were playing it.

I’m about caring, I’m about people, and I’m about entertaining people. I’m a family man. A husband. A father. I’ve been a lot of other things over the years, which we don’t really want to talk about. I’m always working on trying to better myself, you know? I think that that is an ongoing thing with me. I think I’ll do that for the rest of my life. I’m always thinking of what I can do today to better my life.

  • Launch.com October 30, 1998

I kept hearing that metal is dead and Ozzy’s dead and people that like Ozzy are dead. I have never had an empty seat. I’ve always sold out, so who’s saying it’s all over?

[hugging Sharon]Merry xmas….now fuck off.

  • The Osbournes television show

Ozzy - Natal

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What don’t me & Bunny get a slice?

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So if you’ve been following my blog you know that Miley Cyrus had a Bob Marley cake for her birthday. Yes birthday cakes bearing the likeness of Reggae Superstar Bob Marley, Jamaica’s biggest export, ganja smoking dreadlock rasta Bob Nestor Marley are selling like hotcakes some 30 some years after his death all across suburban America. Marley is now the biggest international recording artist of all time. Of course before he went solo and became mega famous, he was in the Wailers with Peter Tosh, and Bunny Wailer. I did a Google search and no ones selling birthday cakes bearing their likeness. I doubt that bothers Bunny the last living member one bit. Nice guy I met him backstage once in Miami. But I get the feeling Peter Tosh is pissed!

A book about the Wailers, “ The Natural Mystics “ by Colin Grant just came out. Here is an excerpt:

Bob Marley was the headline act of a musical evening billed as the “ One Love Peace Concert “ in Kingston. Peter Tosh had taken to the stage an hour earlier. In front of the two eminent guardians of the state…

Author’s note: Jamaica, 1978 that would be Michael Manley, affectionately known as  “ Castro’s poodle “  and Edward “ CIAega. “ ( beware strange men bearing footware. )

…he lit an enormous spliff and proceeded to blow the smoke in their faces. Departing wildly from the “ One Love “ script, Tosh’s chosen subject was not peace; it was war. “ Peace “ screamed Tosh, “ is the diploma you get at the cemetery. “ He didn’t want peace, he wanted justice.

It should have come as no surprise. Three years earlier, Tosh had made his stance clear with the anthemic Legalize It. Now with the spliff dangling from his lips, Tosh taunted the politicians and berated them for more than half an hour for their hypocrisy and for refusing to legalize marijuana.

Many have argued that it was a great shame and a terrible mistake. The authorites certainly thought so. It didn’t seem to occur to Peter Tosh – perhaps he didn’t care – that there might be unwelcome consequences to his disrespectful provocation.

The most immediate consequence was a contract from Rolling Stones Records; Mick Jagger had been in the audience and a witness to the stupefying intensity and shock of Peter Tosh’s brilliant and idiosyncratic performance provocation.

paraphrased from – “ The Natural Mystics “ by Colin Grant

Can’t Buy Me Love

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Can’t Buy Me Love…that’s pretty much what I think I was saying in that last one but you can never really be sure. Consider my blog like a cyber Rorschach Test  for the chosen faithful, those independent free thinking individuals that have nothing better to do while they’re working or at school…how ya’ doing?

So no disrespect to my friends in Cali  I .O.U. for sure. But we got it going on in South Florida. The weather is perfect and we are all getting in the holiday spirit down here. I’m feeling the love in the house. Thanks. Respect.

Hey speaking of Miami Circle Rainbow Family Reunion, I took this picture in Miami on Monday. Just looked out the window and there it was!? Wanna meet up again in Merry Christmas Park this year?

So yes everything really is zen and yes,Virginia there is a Santa Claus and yes, the Pope does smoke dope.

Other than that Space Hippie Worldwide Ministries loves you maaan!

But I don’t have to tell you that do I?

Be good, my shining companions.

No Money, No Pussy!

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C’mon who the fuck are you kidding?

Don’t tell me you can’t hear it.

No Money, No Pussy.

No Money, No Pussy. No Money, No Pussy.

 You can hear it reverberating from the roof tops of

strip malls and fast food restaurants.

No Money, No Pussy, No Money, NO PUSSY!

 

Up and down the street, that’s what all the billboards

say. The tv, the radio, the newspapers and the

magazines perhaps to a lesser extent…

( ok who am I kidding, I will always have a nostalgic

fond memories of print media. )

They’re all selling you the same shit.

 

It’s like the secret mantra of the mean and rueful

Western Dream.

 No Money, No Pussy. No Money,

No Pussy. No Money, No Pussy.

Ok so some of you guys hear something different,

I get that… but I’m sure you get my gist.

All I need to know is…will you take an I.O.U.?

 

Sample in a Jar

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So this old guy walks into the Doctor’s office and says ” Doc those pills you gave me are working great, I have erections lasting 5 hours just like the commercials say and my wife loves it, the only problem is no matter how hard I try, I can never achieve orgasm, what can I do Doctor it’s driving me crazy! “So the Doctor hands him a glass jar and tells him, ” here take this home and bring back me a sperm sample when I see you next week. ” So a week goes by and the guy walks in the Doctor’s office and hands him an empty jar. The Doctor looks at it and says, ” what’s this? ” The guy replies ” sorry Doc, no matter how hard I tried, I even asked my wife to help, I even asked my neighbor’s wife to help me…” The Doctor cuts him off, ” you asked your neighbor’s wife to help you? ” ” Yeah and none of us could get the lid off…