L.A.M.F.

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When I woke up my head felt like a band of pygmies were doing the war dance on the inside of my skull. My mouth was so dry, my tongue felt like a sea sponge. I was hungover L.A.M.F. as they say. God did I get drunk last night…It was Sunday morning, classes started on Monday and I’m in Dade County Jail on charges of Grand Theft Auto. My parents are going to kill me.

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn and next thing you know, they are calling our names telling us we made bail. Huh? They take us out of the holding cell and there’s this guy there, longish hair, wearing a suit. He hands us his card which reads Ronald Fabish, Zig Zag Bail Bonds, Any Jail, Any Crime, Anytime. His card looks like a miniture replica of a pack of Zig Zag rolling papers. ” Who bailed us out? ” we ask. ” The University… ” They had convinced the Coral Gables Police Dept. to drop the charges. It was a ” fraternity prank ” that they would  ” take care of internally “. So I made my first day of classes. Later that week we had to appear in front of the Dean and in a scene right out of Animal House, we were told from this point on we were on ” double secret probation “. Any infraction whatsoever from now ’til graduation and we would be expelled.

My parents never did find out ( ’til now that is, hi Mom! ) and I did go on to graduate several years later with a B.F.A. in film. Some of the other guys did too. In fact one of them is now a well known film director.

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