When I woke up my head felt like a band of pygmies were doing the war dance on the inside of my skull. My mouth was so dry, my tongue felt like a sea sponge. I was hungover L.A.M.F. as they say. God did I get drunk last night…It was Sunday morning, classes started on Monday and I’m in Dade County Jail on charges of Grand Theft Auto. My parents are going to kill me.
They say it’s always darkest before the dawn and next thing you know, they are calling our names telling us we made bail. Huh? They take us out of the holding cell and there’s this guy there, longish hair, wearing a suit. He hands us his card which reads Ronald Fabish, Zig Zag Bail Bonds, Any Jail, Any Crime, Anytime. His card looks like a miniture replica of a pack of Zig Zag rolling papers. ” Who bailed us out? ” we ask. ” The University… ” They had convinced the Coral Gables Police Dept. to drop the charges. It was a ” fraternity prank ” that they would ” take care of internally “. So I made my first day of classes. Later that week we had to appear in front of the Dean and in a scene right out of Animal House, we were told from this point on we were on ” double secret probation “. Any infraction whatsoever from now ’til graduation and we would be expelled.
My parents never did find out ( ’til now that is, hi Mom! ) and I did go on to graduate several years later with a B.F.A. in film. Some of the other guys did too. In fact one of them is now a well known film director.
sorry to leave you all hanging…
so where was I? ok so there I was face down in the grass, the cop’s got his gun pointed to the back of my head and he says ” freeze, you are under arrest”. They caught the other guys too, except one that got away. He jumped a wall and broke his hand. He made it all the way back to Mahoney ( our dorm ) and was taking a shower when they caught up with him. They took us to a mini station on campus and they handcuffed us to these chairs. We were all a bag of toys. The cops were like ” what are we going to do with you guys? ” They caught us redhanded in a hot wired van. They had no choice, we were going downtown.
Dade County jail sits in downtown Miami. In this mid 80’s it was packed to overflowing largely due to the Cocaine Cowboys that were waging gun battles in the streets not to mention the influx of all the Marielitos. In 1980, Castro emptied out the prisons and mental institutions in Cuba and put them on a boat and sent them to Miami ( remember the movie Scarface starts with Tony Montana getting off the boat ). On a sweltering hot Saturday night believe me Dade County Jail was hopping. The holding cell was packed to the gills with hardened criminals mostly blacks and hispanics and here comes these suburban white kids. I was wearing white corduroys for chrissakes! We walked in there like that scene out of Stir Crazy where Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder saunter in going ” that’s right, we bad, we bad… ”
They took one look at us and said ” hell no, what are you boys in for ? ” “Grand Theft Auto…” “They audibly gasped and stepped back from us, ” that’s some bad shit you boys are going to prison for a long, long time. ” Things were looking pretty grim.
hello out there and I know some of you are truly, truly out there…well I’m here to keep you company!
this is an experiment born out of equal parts boredom, frustration, AND necessity,
( and we all know what a hell of a mother necessity is )
I’m hoping to learn as I go and so far so good.
Even the longest and most arduous journey begins with…
tieing yer shoe laces real tight! ( I bet you thought I was going to say ” the first step ” no that’s AA! )
So tie yer shoe laces real tight, fasten yer seat belt,
( no need to extinguish yer smoking materials here, in fact light one up! )
Sit back, relax, we are cleared for take off…